Doei...That Thing You Do

Finding the right thing to say to capture the emotions that come with ending my time in Amsterdam so abruptly is difficult. Fortunately, I am three hours early for my 10 hour flight to Bangkok, the airport is a ghost town, so let’s go for a ramble and I’ll give it a try.

To set the stage, my last day of work was March 12th. I intended to leave for Thailand on March 30th, after taking an Amsterdam victory lap, methodically closing down my life, saying my goodbyes and gracefully stepping into the next chapter… enter coronavirus, enter madness. The status of the world is changing by the second. Europe is the epicenter of the virus and I was afraid I would get stuck. So in three anxiety riddled days I closed shop on all-that-was-Amsterdam and got the F out of the Dam. The biggest victim in all of it will likely be my security deposit, but I’m out, so now I can glance back over my shoulder.

Lots of life has happened while living in Amsterdam and while the most noteworthy may be the overhaul of my wardrobe to include jeans that are far too skinny and an ear for Euro techno beats, there are a few other things that I want to reflect on.

2 years and 9 months was the final tally for time spent living in Amsterdam. Of course “time spent” is used loosely because over the past three years Amsterdam served as a perfectly placed launch-pad for seeing a different part of the world. So let’s start there.

I’ve been a damn lucky cat, courtesy of more family vacations than one bratty teenager deserves and a couple HBO sponsored “work” trips. I tallied visits to 15 different countries by 2017. Not too shabby for a 27 year old. In the three years since I’ve seen over 20 new countries and revisited several others.

Two things worth noting:

1. There are intended and unintended benefits that come with resetting your anchor

2. Europe is a special place

Resetting the Anchor

Not to brag, but I looked at a map once or twice before moving to Amsterdam. So I knew that by moving there I would be strategically positioned to reach more than a handful of countries that I had never visited. In fact I’d go as far to say it was the most important factor in making the decision to move. Bottomline, once I was in Amsterdam, logistics of traveling to other European countries was so damn easy... as long as your carry-on was approximately the weight and size of six manila envelopes stacked on top of one another, budget airlines at their best.

The piece that I didn’t anticipate was the ferocity with which I would attack the travel. This I credit to the unintended consequence of resetting the my anchor. When you start over in a new city it’s easy to leave it behind for a week or a weekend. It’s funny to call that a good thing, but it is and it's a big deal! It gave me freedom, by giving me less reasons to say no, less things to put on the scale to weigh against an opportunity of adventure… super charge that with a slew of equally uninhibited expats, and whammy! You’re a jetsetter.

Tangent: Something that I will dive into deeper in another post is that I feel like I am working my way through life on a tight-rope that bridges the gap between experiencing new and wonderful things and tethering myself to people and places that matter. It’s a balancing act that rolls around in my brain all the time and it’s something I will explore. Because of you, my readers. It’s very likely that my reader base is made up of the important people in my life who I’ve forged deep relationships with wherever we spent time together, and then I leave! As I start over again it is something in the forefront of mind. To be continued...

Europe is a Special Place

Disclaimer: I was the asshole that “moved to Europe” and referred to the people there as “Europeans.” Please learn from my mistake and try your best not to paint with a brush so broad. That’s 44 different countries! That is so much world, so much culture packed into one area and the “different,” that’s what makes the continent so frickin’ rad.

Hell you could miss your freeway exit or fall asleep on the train and find yourself in another country. I was taking day-trips to other countries for work, which blew my mind! Flight times were equivalent to routes from Dallas to Houston, and even though the barbeque wasn’t ever as good I was jumping into a totally different world for the day on the reg.

Now without getting too high up on the soapbox here, all of those lines dissecting the map of Europe crammed so closely together means something. It’s a testament to the substance that exists inside those borders. Each representing a pure and highly concentrated dose of history and perspective. I am blown away by it and to get to experience it in a methodical and intentional way was a profoundly important part of this experience.

Well shit… now I can’t even see the ground from up on this soapbox.

The Plan Going into It

So I am a big strategizer guy… love me some mapping and planning. So yes I had a plan. My game plan was to spend a couple years in Amsterdam and then move to London or somewhere else in Europe for a couple more.

So when asked “when are you coming home Euro Jeff?” I would reply “4-5 years”... enough time to etch “living abroad” into permanence on the bulletin board of my life. It was important to me that it not be a sabbatical from reality, but truly support my long term career and life ambitions (little did I know at the time it would take me here).

Now I don’t know how this sits with you all outside my mind, but I also felt I was entering a 4-5 year window where psychologically and socially I was going to be one age. Mentally it was an age of Empowered Youthfulness. What I mean is that I felt like I am in a special phase of life where I can be excited both by the prospect of running with bulls in Pamplona (I will take this time to severely warn against running with the bulls. Stupidly dangerous) and visiting the Pompedeu in Paris (A much better way to make outsides look like insides...less stupid, less dangerous). A weekend hiking in the Swiss Alps or Lofoten Norway, could be as invigorating as a weekend trying your luck at Berghain and jumping two feet into the Berlin techno club scene. I found this to be true about myself in this phase of life and it made my time in Europe incredibly rewarding.

It also translated when it came to my life in Amsterdam. I wanted to turn over every party-rock that Amsterdam had to offer. I was still riding the high of fast-paced life in New York so “social energy” was an all-important attribute of my life.

Amsterdam is a city of 800,000 people which is exactly 10 times less than the population of NYC, but even still Amsterdam packs a mean punch for its size so a youthful curiosity comes highly recommended when tackling the Amsterdam social scene. I have to say I had a fucking blast diving in head-first.

ANNNNNNDDDDD… for the first time in my life I wanted to have a home in a community.

Amsterdam is a great place for that. It is so damn pleasant! Pleasant, a concept literally deleted from your brain Men in Black style when you live in New York. In NYC you step outside of your building on a July morning in your business casual uniform to be met by the 90 degree swamp-like heat that turns every pore on your torso into Niagara Falls, followed by the sweet stink of trash mountains piled up on your doorstep that upper-cut you square in the nose-holes. And all you think is Huh, trash day, is it Thursday already? In the summertime as I waited for the subway with napkins stuffed up my nose, I would contemplate how to make my body touch the shirt that I was wearing less to avoid sweat marks! Not normal, but god bless that place.

Amsterdam… not like that. We cycle everywhere… It was like living on a college campus. It's small, so you can feel like a part of your neighborhood. People recognize you and you know the people working in the restaurants and cafes in your hood. It felt good to have that, because as a foreigner you are more often on the lookout for confirmation that you belong.

If there is anything that demonstrates the foreigner’s desire for belonging it is the prominence of the Expat community in Amsterdam. That’s what I will talk about next.

My Expats

When I arrived I had a few new friends in London, and knew no one in Amsterdam. That’s when your naive American brain realizes that having friends in another country doesn’t help with the day-to-day, but hey, it was a pretty good set-up for adventuring.

This duo of girls living in London, infamously coined “the London Girls” (not the greatest example of creativity) became my EU weekend-travel companions and twisted my friends’ brains into pretzels as they demanded to know how I got the plucked out of the gutter to go on trips with these bombshells. I still don’t have the answer to that one, but I am happy to report I am still drafting off those friendships.

As for Amsterdam, friends came from work, from pulling at threads of introductions made by friends in the US who knew someone in Amsterdam, and at my gym.

I found that new expats are like freshmen in college.

First of all it's a fresh start and serves as a great “rebranding” opportunity for those looking to test out a new pair of sneaks so to speak. It’s fascinating to consider that the best place to create a full image of yourself is in a foriegn country where you don’t fit into any of the typical categories the environment offers. I saw it to varying degrees and extremes in my fellow expats and myself. It’s cool to see people find their groove.

Then there are the friendships. Thrown into foreign territory we are bonded through a common purpose. We are all trying to “make the most” of our time in Amsterdam, because for the majority living in Amsterdam is a limited experience that will eventually expire. Everyone has their own concept of an expiration date, but when it comes Amsterdam will be replaced by the next country/ adventure or swapped for a ticket home to the country of origin. Just like in college the idea that we have a limited time together doesn’t stop people from socializing. In fact it's the opposite. I made friends hard and fast. With no network to fallback on you all become “Yes-People.” The relationships form, the growing pains of the friendships are volatile, but in the end I was able to forge life-long friendships that will endure through the rest of my life with people all over the world. Holler!

Shout out time for Vondelgym

Confession... I am a crossfit guy now (yikes) and although sharing that means I will likely lose 90% of my reader base, I’d be remiss not to mention what a crucial role the Vondelgym peoples played in making me feel like I was part of a community. It was also the place that I made greatest strides in creating friendships with Dutchies. These people welcomed me with open arms and it was special to be part of something rooted in the Netherlands.

Expat Island

The expat community is a double-edged sword. It gives you a group of people to commune with but also carries a stigma. You aren’t going to be around for very long and you don’t speak Dutch, so why bother. So you’re quarantined on Expat Island.Basically “if you aren’t going to commit, why should I?” It's just Dutch blunt-practicality. It’s not malicious, it's just circumstantial.

It’s like you’ve brought your girlfriend to visit your hometown for the first time and run into Eddie, an acquaintance from high school. You all are having a great conversation and your girlfriend lobs in the grenade “So did you guys become friends in highschool or earlier?” And for the first time ever you and Eddie share a profound connection in something... you both want to get the fuck out of this conversation. Eddie’s a good guy, nothing wrong with the dude, and in a matter of seconds you're probably going to say those exact words to his face. Eddie will echo those sentiments and likely punctuate it with an “obviously.” Thanks Eddie! Then you’ll go onto say something like “well we didn’t really... hang out, aside from in Mrs. B’s class, ha. Yeah, why didn’t we hang out more? We totally should have, I mean should, we should! What’s your number again man? Nevermind I probably have it (you don’t have it), same one? Cool I’ll hit you up!” Then you leave.

Expats are like Eddie.

We mean well, we are all “good dudes” with “good heads on our shoulders” but nonetheless if you don’t actively separate yourself from that expat group identity locals aren’t just going to roll out the red carpet for you. It’s going to be friendly but nothing deeper than the surface. Sorry Eddie...

The Hardest Parts

So while we are here on Expat Island, it’s time to say that it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows living in Amsterdam. This partially due to the fact that the sun hardly exists in the Netherlands so sunshine and rainbows are hard to come by. So here’s a bit about that and some other stuff.

It was really weird to feel like an outsider! Coming to terms with being on the outside was a strange sensation, but it also made me realize how soft I was in that regard. All things considered, the Netherlands is not that big of a leap to make. It probably falls slightly below all the other english speaking countries and it turns out I look very Dutch, although slightly shorter than average. So in the scheme of things this is a tiny taste of what could have been and is for so many people.

Oh look at that, I found my soap box again.

Next up, the weather… more accurately the weather + the latitude. There is no sun in the winter. It is dark and dreary and seasonal depression is a real thing. Nevermind the fact that my pasty white ass turns transparent in the winter months, but it’s a major downer when it’s dark from 4:30pm to 9am and drizzly the rest of the time. I even wished it would drop 10 degrees so that we’d get snow instead of the high 30s and low 40s constant wetness. Big picture this is a forgivable offense but had to be mentioned.

Finally, you’ll miss stuff and you’ll miss stuff.

I missed a few weddings for some of my all-time Hall-of-Fame friends, and missed practically all the bachelor parties. That sucks, these are irreplaceable moments and I missed them. I also watched from the outside as the regular good times stuff happens, seeing it unfold through 10 second instagram stories. Would have loved to be there, but it’s just part of the deal.

I also missed familiarity. I missed my “go-to” spots and brands, I missed US watercooler talk (that wasn’t me being asked to give my thoughts on what was behind Trump’s latest decision… I don’t know man! I’m over here!), and I missed US sports. Although in regards to the last one and in the spirit of honesty I did appreciate having my Sundays back for the first time in 22 years. Is watching sports a waste of time? I don’t know, an identity-crisis debate I’ve had with myself over the past three years. For another time...

Look we gotta look at the full picture or else we won’t be able to make anything out of it. Now that all the pieces are there let’s bring it home.

The Whole Dam Experience

Sorry ^^^ I can’t help myself.

Living in Amsterdam, good? Bad? Important?

This shit was life changing! And not because it delivered on all my expectations, because I didn’t get the experience I expected, and at the end of it all I can’t say it all went as planned. Mostly it went well, but most importantly it just went…constantly. Getting so much foder in the form of life experience is what I am most grateful for, because that’s what helps me shape my life story.

@Amsterdam- Thank you. You gave me the freedom to explore the person I want to be through the aspects of my life you enriched and those that you made inaccessible. You helped me identify the tenets that will guide me down the road ahead. I will always consider you a home.

As we go through this COVID-19 world lockdown I can only hope that it won’t have a negative impact on society's comfort level with traveling or living abroad, because I can’t think of a better way to build the concept of our place and role in the world.

And our place in the world is something we have to explore ourselves. The world isn’t going to seek you out, walk up and shake your hand and just say “Nice to meet you Eddie.” No that’s not how it works, and even though I’ve made some progress in developing my picture of the world I still don’t have it figured out.

So I came up with a mantra, or personal slogan if you will.

“Just do it.”

It’s my 100% original way of telling myself that if there is a lot of world to be seen and life to be lived then I should always actively make that a cornerstone of my life.

Look I wanna come home. I do! I’ve been on my way back to Colorado for 12 years and who knows how much longer I’ve got before I make good on that promise, but that doesn’t mean I should deny the piece of me that is still yearning to explore.

So now, off we go to Thailand.

Until next time

- a writeous dude